How to STOP, COLLABORATE, and LISTEN in your marriage!
Yeah, Yeah, if you also went to high-school in the 90's, you just started rapping the rest of this song by Vanilla Ice! And while I hope I did catch your attention, I do have powerful message for you today for strengthening your marriage!
I love my husband very much, and he completes me. With that being said, we are not perfect and sometimes we fight. Like last night. Over really dumb stuff. And as I reflected on this, I came to the conclusion that so often we just need to stop, collaborate and listen. So many dumb fights would never even start if we just remembered to do this. (And hey, if you need to rap and throw in The Running Man dance move, by all means, it will certainly dissolve any frustrations you have anyway, because how can you not laugh when breaking a move!)
Just Stop. Stop assuming the worst of you spouse. Stop having a negative attitude. Stop being angry. Stop creating a story in your mind that simply is not true. Stop thinking you're the perfect one. And stop, before you say something you will regret, just stop.
Breathe. Walk away. Yes, it is hard, if you are anything like me! I like to be the one who is "right", with no fault! HA! Guess what, there are TWO of you in the relationship! Therefore, at some point, it took both of you to get to a place that you now need to remind yourself to Stop!
When we stop with the negative thoughts, we give ourselves a little time to see things in a different perspective. And that is very important. Think about it, how often have you had the opportunity to see something, like a picture or a great landscape, from two different angles and it awed you that while it was the same image, you saw it two totally different ways? We can do that with our spouse and any situation.
Henry Ford is quoted as saying, "Coming together is a beginning, staying together is progress, and working together is success." I don't think he was talking about a marriage, but he certainly could have been because that quote is absolutely right on the money!
Coming together is the easy part, staying together takes WORK. And you've got to work TOGETHER to make the marriage succeed. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 reads, "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Together we must lift one another up. Collaboration in more than sitting down together to work out the monthly budget (although, that is a great example of an activity to work together!) No, collaboration also means to keep moving forward when your spouse has lost momentum. Picking up the pieces when one is depressed, ill, or incapacitated. Holding down the fort when the other is busy working or needed elsewhere. And when you STOP first, you have the opportunity to then COLLABORATE.
You've heard it before, God gave us one mouth but two ears for a reason! Good listening skills is, hands down, but most effective communication tool you can have. I have found that with all my clients I have ever worked with, communication has ALWAYS been an area of focus, regardless if I was working with Life Coaching, Marriage, Family, or even Wellness Coaching!
When setting aside the time to listen to your spouse, to really listen, you are able to see a different perspective, understand how to better work together, and create a stronger relationship. Are you aware there are five stages of listening? There is the receiving of information, the understanding of the information, the evaluating of what has been said, the remembering of information, then FINALLY the responding to what has been said. Additionally, learning how to be an ACTIVE listener, which requires the listener to understand the technique of how and when to provide feedback to the speaker, is one of the most important thing I teach couples to strengthen their relationships.
Okay, the above image is for all my Vanilla Ice fans! But seriously though, do you want to learn more about strengthening your relationship? I'd love to work with you today...and I promise I won't break out into any 90's dance moves! And try this technique the next time you need to take a step back in a situation that is creating stress in your relationship. Just Stop, Collaborate, and LISTEN!
Word to yo Mutha!
Contact StacieStoneyCoaching (firstname.lastname@example.org) today to request a session time to begin strengthening your marriage or learn how to be better today than you were yesterday. Mention your favorite 90's dance move and receive 15% off any coaching package!